I believed them when you first said them bc they just came out, they weren’t said with your head but with your heart. Somewhere along the way they lost their meaning and I saw it. I wanted to hear them over and over in hopes of one day believing them again, but that never came. I do believe you meant them once log ago, but as well, long ago they lost their meaning and sincerity.
Such a simple term yet when it’s applied to a person you loved for so long it becomes such a painful word. I know I said I wouldn’t be that person for you ever again and I wouldn’t do anything for you but just having you around makes my heart beat again. It brings back an odd happiness full of pain. You make me shake with anger and frustration yet I want nothing but to hug you and hold you close. I wish that would hurt you as much as it does me but I’m just not certain of that. I wish you would treat me like you did before but I guess this new treatment is simply something I’ll have to adapt into the new me and make something of it. I wish I wasn’t so hopeful and passionate about our relationship but I am and it sucks. Whatever happened to the paco of a few months back. The one who did give up on us, walked away without a care in the world, he was strong and independent. Now I’m becoming this devious character, full of dark and revenge. Centered in being a self absorbed egomaniac. Using his powers of manipulation to their full potential. Seduction and anger. I’ve attempted to fill the empty hole you left in me with a puzzle piece of a completely different type. Nothing close to what really belongs in that void. I’d like to say she’s there mending the cracks and shattered pieces into one but well she’s just somewhere in my life. I’m trying to mold myself into a puzzle that will accept her but I cant. I’m only waiting for the day she breaks up with me so I can fully have myself from you. I don’t know why and how I’m becoming this way but perhaps it’s the best for me. Self centered and arrogant. Devious and manipulative
I’m shaking, trembling, heart racing. I can’t believe I actually spoke to you. We talked! My heart was so happy! I missed you so much. I wish you could’ve came over. I could’ve had you here in person. I can’t wait till the next time I see you. You said I looked mad in person. I was jumping with joy inside but I couldn’t bare to show that to you bc you’d think I’m happy. I’ll put on a mask and tell the world I’m happy but you I can’t. You know who I really am. You’ve held me in your arms, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me at my best and at my worst. I can’t hide from you. Hook ups? Haha I wish I had the nerve for anything like that. I’m glad to hear you’re not doing any of that. I’m glad to hear you’re happy. I’m trying to be happy. It’s just well you were the one who made me happy. I wish I could hear your heart beat next to mine, feel your chest and all its warmth and comfort. I wish I could say I no longer love you and I’m completely over you. Lying has always been my strength. Guess it’s time for you to no longer be an exception. I miss you and love you so much! I just wish you’d come back. I’d give my life for it.
Maybe in a future if you ever decide to talk to me the first thing you’ll ask is “How are you?” I ask if you want the truth or a lie and you’ll say the truth. I’ll respond “I’m great” and we’ll both know it’s a lie bc the truth is too pathetic to be told
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.
A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…
Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love. (via wordsnquotes)
I’ve already met and lost my soul mate it seems
You know, I can’t say I’m surprised you broke this promise. You know the one you made to me a week ago about how we’d talk again even if just as friends. It sucks. I looked forward to it all day. Simply having your name give life to my phone again. To have it brighten up my day. It never came. I wish it had. Its only been half a month, said like that it seems like a long time but in my life it only seems like hours ago that you broke my heart and ran off with whatever was left of it. I miss you so much, if only you could feel it. You’d understand.