0.o
4 :47 Am

I’m shaking, trembling, heart racing. I can’t believe I actually spoke to you. We talked! My heart was so happy! I missed you so much. I wish you could’ve came over. I could’ve had you here in person. I can’t wait till the next time I see you. You said I looked mad in person. I was jumping with joy inside but I couldn’t bare to show that to you bc you’d think I’m happy. I’ll put on a mask and tell the world I’m happy but you I can’t. You know who I really am. You’ve held me in your arms, you’ve seen me cry, you’ve seen me at my best and at my worst. I can’t hide from you. Hook ups? Haha I wish I had the nerve for anything like that. I’m glad to hear you’re not doing any of that. I’m glad to hear you’re happy. I’m trying to be happy. It’s just well you were the one who made me happy. I wish I could hear your heart beat next to mine, feel your chest and all its warmth and comfort. I wish I could say I no longer love you and I’m completely over you. Lying has always been my strength. Guess it’s time for you to no longer be an exception. I miss you and love you so much! I just wish you’d come back. I’d give my life for it.

A lie

Maybe in a future if you ever decide to talk to me the first thing you’ll ask is “How are you?” I ask if you want the truth or a lie and you’ll say the truth. I’ll respond “I’m great” and we’ll both know it’s a lie bc the truth is too pathetic to be told

People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave.

A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life…

Gilbert, Elizabeth. Eat, Pray, Love. (via wordsnquotes)

I’ve already met and lost my soul mate it seems

Just another broken promise

You know, I can’t say I’m surprised you broke this promise. You know the one you made to me a week ago about how we’d talk again even if just as friends. It sucks. I looked forward to it all day. Simply having your name give life to my phone again. To have it brighten up my day. It never came. I wish it had. Its only been half a month, said like that it seems like a long time but in my life it only seems like hours ago that you broke my heart and ran off with whatever was left of it. I miss you so much, if only you could feel it. You’d understand.

Everyday

It still hurts, everyday. I still miss you, everyday. I still think of you, everyday. I continue to love you, everyday, but why

4/14/14

It’s been almost two week since I lost you. I can’t say things are getting any easier. Today I missed you more than anything. I did my best to keep myself together for the world. I lost it a bit but don’t worry. No one saw. I wish I could hold you, hug you, kiss you, and simply talk to you and have you back but it’s pointless to want something that already belongs to someone else. I’ve been sober far to long as it is today. I know it’s unhealthy and you always hated that I’d do that but I’ve no choice. Doesn’t matter if nothing really changes bc for those couple of drunken minutes I’m somewhat happy. Its the closest I can get to happiness without you. I miss you friend…

"And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
-Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

"And I’d give up forever to touch you
‘Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You’re the closest to heaven that I’ll ever be
And I don’t wanna go home right now

And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your life
When sooner or later it’s over
I just don’t wanna miss you tonight

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming
Or the moment of truth in your lies
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you’re alive

And I don’t want the world to see me
‘Cause I don’t think that they’d understand
When everything’s made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am”
-Iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

Many

Today someone said something that made me think a bit different even if for only a second “there’s too many people to care about just one”

Harm

You’ve cut deeper into me than any blade every could. Suicide was pointless, you had already killed me.

4/12/2014

I’ll do my best to stay sober for you tonight. I’ll hide the bottle and stash the drugs. Did you know I wish for you every 11:11. You used to be so superstitious haha. I miss you so much… it’s hard to bare sometimes.